I've never been the outdoorsy type. My ideal nature encounter is lounging near an indoor fountain. As long as the chair is comfortable, the temperature is just right, and there's not too much foliage around the fountain. Sometimes greenery–real or fake–can take on a serpentine look, and it freaks me out a little. That's right, I've been frightened by artificial greenery.
So it may surprise you to learn that I recently braved 50mph wind gusts, icy trails, and mud to hike 3291 feet to the top of Old Rag Mountain. Frankly, it surprised me too. Not long ago, just thinking about it would have made me uneasy because, well, it's outdoors, really outdoors.
In the past, I would have scoffed at the idea of immersing myself so deeply in the realm of the outdoors because there are just too many variables to manage. I guess maybe if there was a candy volcano at the top of the mountain or a great shoe sale or someone threw my car keys up there, I might have been willing to endure it. Maybe, but probably not. And sure, nature is pretty, but I drive through it every day, fountains abound, and I have these amazing nature-themed backgrounds for my computer screen. And with such things I was content.
That is, until God began to tug at the fears and idols I clung to. The fear of failure. The fear of exposing my vulnerabilities. The fear of the unpredictable. The idols of comfort and the illusion of control. These were all stones I used in the wall I constructed to shut out uncertainty, discomfort, and risk. In exchange, I was willing to trade the fullness of life for something I perceived as comfortable, safe, and predictable.
But that's not the kind of life we're called to, and over the last year or so, God has started to break through the stones in my wall. There has been an undeniable call to set aside the things that have limited me. A call to risk more, give more, and do more with what He has provided. A call to rest in Him so that I am free to enjoy more of life, more of others, more of His creation, and more of Him.
And though I resisted at first, I've learned that the more I surrender to Him, the more I trust Him, the more willing I am to follow after Him in faith, the more riches I uncover. My recent jaunt into the forest was a perfect illustration.
My favorite part of the hike was the creek that spilled down the mountain and ran parallel to much of the trail. At one point, I left the path to pick my way across the rocks and perch atop a large one right in the middle of the stream. Drinking in the beauty that surrounded me, I caught myself thinking, "this sounds just like a fountain," and had to laugh. Long satisfied with paltry substitutes, it's been fun to discover what I've been missing. I am so thankful my Father was not content to let the wall stand.
There are stones yet to be removed. I still struggle with fear. But now that I have tasted what is possible when I surrender my fears to God, I've stopped pretending to be satisfied with what comes easy and find myself looking forward to the next adventure. Sure, I may tremble a bit, but I know who began dismantling the wall and am certain He will finish the work.
