Skating Through Life

I've been skating through life. Oh, less than a year ago I would have denied it. I would have pointed to the countless tasks I juggled between home, family, church, and work and been quite indignant. But God was never fooled, and last fall I came to the unsettling, but unshakable, realization that my constant state of self-imposed busyness was a convenient excuse to dodge His call to step outside my comfort zone.

In my comfort zone, I am capable and competent and rarely make any mistakes. I pretty much know what to expect there, so it's easy to operate under the illusion that I'm in control. Success is key, so it's essential I stick to tasks that I consistently perform well. I will try new things, but will quickly abandon them if I don't catch on right away. Risk, failure, uncertainty, dependence, and vulnerability are all unwelcome. In short, the standard in my comfort zone is perfection, and I have served the idol of perfectionism for most of my life. As a result, I have limited my usefulness to God and foolishly trusted in my own efforts rather than God working in me and through me. Instead of serving God boldly, I have held back and avoided new experiences out of fear and a lack of faith.

Now God is pulling me out of my comfort zone and calling me to venture out in new directions. It's exciting, but it's a struggle. As much as I want to be obedient, I know I can't do it in my own strength and am prayerfully relying on Him to change me. It's a daily choice, a daily battle. A daily exercise in faith: serve God or serve the idol of perfectionism, and I'm still in training.

So when my friend Jen suggested we take our kids skating, I thought it would be a fun way to practice saying, "no" to perfectionism. I had given skating a try in junior high, but gave it up after an hour or two (failure!). But that was the old me, and I was determined to give it a try and not give up this time. The first night we went, I took my place on "the wall," shakily scooting along with a handful of kids that had a much shorter distance to fall. I felt anything but capable and competent and though I didn't fall, I really didn't do any actual skating, and I definitely wasn't in control. But it became sort of a quest for me, a challenge to persevere in something that didn't come easily. So I bought a pair of skates a few days later and skidded up and down the hallway on my hardwood floors for two nights in a row. By the next skate night, I was slow and unsteady and even fell once, but I was skating, and by the next one I was going fast enough to get tired and sore and only grabbing the wall (or Jen's arm) two or three times a lap.

So, yes, my good and perfect gift this week is learning to skate. On the surface, it seems pretty insignificant compared to the other things God is calling me to do, but the underlying principle is the same. God answered my prayer and enabled me to respond to a challenge in a way that was completely contrary to my nature. With His help, I faced fear, persevered through failure, and refused to be a slave to perfectionism...and all I had to do was ask.