An Unusual Response

If you've been keeping up with my blog, you probably know I attended a writers' conference a few weekends ago. If you haven't, this post will make more sense if you read "A Gift Greater Than Gold" below.

The Proverbs 31 Ministries She Speaks Conference was phenomenal. Most of the sessions I attended were part of the writers' track, but I've recently developed a mild curiosity about speaking, so I sat in on a few speaker sessions as well. It was informative. It was inspirational. It was...exhausting, delightfully exhausting.

By the middle of the second day, there were so many things swirling around my brain that I had to step outside for a few minutes to take a few deep breaths and ask God what to do with all the inspiration and information.

I wasn't stressed or overwhelmed, but I knew God had brought me to the conference for a reason, and I wanted to be a good steward of what I had been given. As I sought God in prayer, it became clear to me that what I was to do was:

• learn: soak up as much information as possible
• ponder: continue to look for ways to apply Biblical truths to everyday situations
• practice: keep writing, be open to the possibility of speaking
• persevere: don't quit; write as an offering, not for an outcome
• pray: stay close to Him and listen for His direction
• respond: act when called
• wait: trust in Him; wait and see what He will do

The weird thing was: I was totally okay with that answer. Usually, when something interests me, I run in one direction or the other. Either I charge ahead, running ahead of God, convincing myself it's all up to me, and clinging to a particular outcome, or I decide the chances of failure are too great and give up before I get started. But not this time.

This time I was content to say, "Here I am. I am willing. I will follow." I had come to a place where I was neither striving nor resisting, just trusting in His plan and His timing and ready to follow His lead. It was a feeling so contrary to my nature that it could only be a good and perfect gift.